


I Know Nothing At All

by SinisterAmix



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Take on Episode 11, Angst, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3269195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterAmix/pseuds/SinisterAmix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The words were loud. Resounding. Overwhelming. The taste the first exclamation left on his tongue was now stale, but his breathing had stilled. His whole body had stilled. The atmosphere about them was so hollow, he could barely register the repeat his friend provided.</p><p>“I’m giving up on you, Haru.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Know Nothing At All

“Well, say something.”

“…”

“ _Say something!”_

“ _I’m giving up on you!”_

The words were loud. Resounding. _Overwhelming_. The taste the first exclamation left on his tongue was now stale, but his breathing had stilled. His whole body had stilled. The atmosphere about them was so hollow, he could barely register the repeat his friend provided.

“I’m giving up on you, Haru.” He said it softly, but the statement hit harder—cut deeper. And he knew it.

Yet, the boy was finding it hard to understand. Makoto slowly let go of his wrist while Haru ignored his falling hand, stare fixed on green eyes. They were steady. They were determined.

“My whole life, I’ve been chasing you. Ever since we were kids, I’ve been watching your back. I watched you grow up with a talent I couldn’t even compare to,” he spoke low, then laughed and dropped his gaze, “It was all I could manage to keep up. But I was never jealous so much as I admired you. And I realized all I wanted to do was walk beside you. It was pointless to swim without you there, and no matter the distraction, you were my focus.”

The silence here stung. Makoto’s look pinned him again, “I followed you everywhere.”

Then the strength in his stance broke a bit.

“I would’ve followed you _anywhere,”_ he added. Haru’s eyes flicked back and forth. The picture he saw was that of a stranger. The Makoto he knew was an open book. This person’s expression was unreadable.

“Start Junior High things became different. In fact, they got painful,” his voice was cracking again. He fought it by narrowing his gaze, “Six years of something I wasn’t allowed to feel. Six years of keeping my mouth shut in order to preserve the friendship I treasured. Do you know what it’s like to feel as though you’ve been standing still for that long?”

Even if Makoto wanted him to answer his question, Haru had no words. His mind was a jumbled mess of echoes warping his perception of time.

The brunet looked to his feet a second time, “…I _have_ decided.”

Haru had almost forgotten what he’d said to elicit this answer.

Then Makoto lifted his chin.

“I’m… going to a university in Tokyo.”

Haru’s heartbeat mingled with the bursts of fireworks spitting over their heads. Whatever Makoto said next fell on deaf ears because now all Haru was conscious of was the pulsing in his head, as well as the pain in his chest. He clenched his teeth.

“Do whatever you want!” he shouted loud enough to strain his throat, then he spun on his heel and ran in the other direction as fast as his legs would carry him. He thought Makoto would call his name, but he didn’t. Sprinting down the ramp, he thought he’d hear him yell “Wait!”, but he didn’t.

When he skid to a stop in front of his house he was panting. This time instead of the silence, it was the tears that stung. Even in his parents’ absence, he’d never felt forsaken. Even when he saw Rin for the first time in years to discover the teenager acknowledged him as nothing more than a rival, he’d never felt betrayed. And when the world around him began to pressure the choices for his future, he didn’t feel small. Now he did. Something was breaking. He could feel it.

Despite how warm it was, Haru thought he was freezing, so his legs moved on of their own accord. Once inside, he expected that they’d lead him to the tub, where he’d always trusted to lose himself and ignore the world. Instead he found himself staring down at his bed, upon which the comforter had been twisted about carelessly. Exhaustion made him crawl onto the mattress and curl up on his side with the blanket thrown over him. But even with how tired he was, he was unable to fall asleep.

In the morning his eyes itched with fatigue. He’d done nothing but doze inconsistently for hours, and noticing the sunlight pouring in through his window caused him to curl up tighter in the sheets twisted around him.

When there came an insistent ringing at his door, he thought it’d be Makoto, but it wasn’t.

He’d slid the door open with aching arms to see Rin.

“Yo, Haru. We’re going out.”

“Uh.”

“Hurry up and get ready. Let’s go.”

“Go? Where?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Hours later, Haru found himself on a flight to Australia with Rin buckling into the seat next to him.

“How was this obvious?” Haru wasn’t even able to explain the expression hanging on his face right now. Rin grinned smugly, “You didn’t think I was taking you somewhere romantic like Paris, did you?”

“I didn’t think you were taking me to another continent, _period_.”

When they arrived, Rin dragged him around the airport. He said nothing of where they were going, or why they were even here, even when Haru asked. He only skirted around the question, saying it was time to board this bus or it was time to move this way. Though Haru was miraculously able to get some sleep on the plane here, he was still exhausted. So when they reached the fountain in a park they were passing through, he asked Rin if they could stop for a bit.

“No problem. I need to check out the map anyway,” the boy replied with a shrug. Haru plopped down on the stones framing the water with a deep breath, glad to rest his legs. The sleep hadn’t dulled the ache in his body so he’d been struggling to keep up with Rin’s ridiculously long strides all day.

He looked up when he noticed how quiet said boy was only to find he had disappeared. He called out for him, standing up in panic. He looked about to see no one, and for a moment feared he was now alone in a country he knew nothing about, but then Rin’s voice rang behind him and his eyes found his travel companion standing a ways away with two water bottles in his hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t run off like that.”

“…Sorry.”

When Rin took his seat next to him, he apologized a second time, but this one was for what he’d said to Haru at the tournament days beforehand, and although he turned his head in surprise at an apology so unexpected, Haru felt happy to know he understood. Then Rin turned it around, requesting this time for Haru to understand.

He smiled, “I’ve always admired you.”

A familiar face replaced Rin’s for a split second and Haru nearly jumped. He felt the goose bumps rise up his arms far enough to reach the back of his neck. Then he noticed his heart was racing, and it took Rin’s voice to break him back out of his haze.

“Now I feel better! Let’s get going.”

At least that made one of them. If anything, Haru now felt worse. Since that abrupt invitation this morning, Haru had actually been distracted from what was making him feel so sick. But now it had returned, and Haru found his mind plagued by an unwelcome face and unwelcome words. He didn’t pay attention when they boarded the next bus. It wasn’t until Rin claimed that this was where they got off that Haru was dragged back out of his thoughts. Where they had been taken next was to one of the bluest shores Haru had ever seen. It helped that the clouds in the sky were so few on such a beautiful day.

In minutes, the boys were down by the water and Rin had his shoes off with a grin on his face, “Let’s go in.”

The raven stared out over the open sea from where he sat with his legs drawn up to his chest and felt sicker than before. He drew further into himself, “I don’t feel like it.”

Rin looked taken aback for a second, then his smile returned with furrowed eyebrows, “What? Who is it that’s usually so quick to start taking his clothes off?”

Haru looked away, feeling his stomach churn unpleasantly, “Shut up…”

“I was sure you’d never agree to this trip. But you really came along,” the redhead seemed concerned now.

“I didn’t agree to it,” Haru reminded him immediately.

“You didn’t resist even once on the way to the airport.”

“…”

 “Did something happen?”

“No,” the boy answered too quickly. He held himself tighter in an attempt to ignore his body’s upset, “I just don’t want to be over there right now.”

“…Did you and Makoto have a fight or something?”

To hear it said aloud sent a jolt through Haru’s chest. It must’ve been obvious because Rin’s shoulders slumped, “Bingo, huh?”

To figure it out so soon, Haru guessed Rin was aware that the reason for the Nanase to refuse water could only be one thing. But was it really that obvious? Even though there was a period during which they hadn’t talked for years, Rin was still able to determine the one thing that could make Haru upset enough to want to get away from it all. It pleased him and worried him at the same time.

“It’s one little fight.”

Haru winced. Rin didn’t understand though.

“Sousuke and I fight all the time.”

He didn’t understand at all.

Rin hopped back as the seawater washed over his bare feet, “Ah, cold..!”

“It was my first fight.”

If Rin had turned to look at him, Haru didn’t know. His eyes were fixated on the sand in front of him, trying hard to stop the scene of last night from replaying in his head for the hundredth time since he’d gone to bed.

“So, Makoto told you about his post-graduation plans then?” Precisely. His guesses were more spot on than his judgment.

“…Yeah.”

“How did you react?”

Haru didn’t answer. Rin didn’t appear to expect him to. He turned back to the ocean, “Well, he said he wanted to tell you as soon as possible.”

Haru looked up in time to see Rin’s shoulders shake with laughter, “You didn’t exactly make it easy for him.”

He wasn’t sure what he meant by that. His friend was silent again, but not for long, “Did he tell you anything else?”

Anything else? Could what Makoto had said leading up to that be categorized as something else?

“He…” Haru racked his brain to find the right words to say, “Said something weird.”

Rin waited patiently.

“Something about standing still for the past six years…” the teen trailed off, suddenly unable to recount exactly what Makoto had said even though it’d been replaying so vividly in his head until now. All he could make out was the agonized look on his face when he had said it.

Rin tilted his head back, “So he didn’t say it outright. In the end, he couldn’t.”

Haru almost stood, “Say what ou—“

“You know, Haru… I talked big before I left Japan.”

Then the Matsuoka proceeded to reminisce about his first experience staying in Australia, leaving Haru in the dark on their recent topic.

After the beach, Rin took him to meet his homestay parents, as Rin referred to them, Russell and Lori. They joined them for dinner while Haru spent half the night unable to understand anything the three of them were saying, but supposed that was alright. Rin translated anything Haru was meant to know at least. Honestly, Haru had distracted himself with the foreign concept that for once he was eating at a fully set table in a house that was not Makoto’s, the only other place he’d ever eaten sitting down like this.

Why was it that even when he was miles across the ocean, the one thing he was trying to escape was everywhere Rin took him?! And why did it _hurt_?

As welcoming as their stay was, Haru was relieved to finally be dropped off in front of the hotel the two of them would be staying at. As Russell and Lori waved goodbye through the car window, all Haru could see was Makoto’s mother and father when they used to drop the two of them off at school while it was raining. He looked away after they sped off to clear the image from his head.

Rin seemed to notice, “Something wrong?”

“No. It’s nothing.”

He didn’t look convinced, but dropped it, “Okay. Let’s get going.”

While Rin was at the counter requesting the room he had reserved, Haru blankly stared at the wall of the lobby. The clarity of the night before was now blurred to a point where Haru couldn’t remember much of what had been said. Everything had slowly mixed together until all he could recall was shock, anger and confusion because Makoto was leaving.

Makoto was leaving _him_.

The hands settled in his pockets curled into fists. For some reason, he had always felt like their positions would be reversed. He assumed that should it ever come to pass, he would be the one to leave Makoto. Then he realized how shitty it made him feel to have thought that way—to think the situation would have been more acceptable if it was he leaving Makoto behind instead.

Then his head hung a little. Makoto would have probably reacted much better than Haru had. Did he even have the right to be angry with him?

It was reasonable for him to be upset, sure. Tachibana Makoto had always been there. He was his constant.  Haru tried to imagine a life without him and he couldn’t. It was impossible. Whatever future he thought had Makoto right there with him, either watching from a distance or standing nearby, he was always there.

How much he cared for that boy was steadily becoming clearer. He cared so much it hurt.

He tried to envision Makoto leaving, packed up and ready to move to Tokyo. Alone.

His stomach lurched.

“Haru. Passport.”

The next thirty minutes were filled with signing up for a hotel room that ended up only having a single bed that Rin couldn’t switch out. That night, the boys dealt with that misfortune by instead reminiscing again about when they first met. When their conversation had trailed off, Haru’s mind wandered. He remembered his first day at Iwatobi Elementary. He remembered a boy tripping on his way up the steps to the building while other students walked past either indifferent or giggling.

_Haru grasped the straps of his backpack and broke into a trot to catch up. He bent down and pulled the boy up by the arm when he was close enough, “Are you alright?”_

_“I-I’m alright. Thank you v-very much!” he stuttered appreciatively. When their gazes met, he had the greenest eyes Haru had ever seen. Greener than any meadow he could think of._

_“T-T-Tachibana Makoto!” he yelped suddenly, then averted his eyes when Haru gave him a weird look, possibly because of how girly it sounded, “I-Is my name…”_

_There was a pause, then Haru replied, “Nanase Haruka.”_

_And he was well aware that his name was just as girly. Perhaps that’s why he felt so relieved, especially when he got to observe those green eyes light up with joy. From then on, they were practically inseparable._

Haru fell asleep with a smile on his face.

The next day, Rin took him to an Aquatic Centre. Inside there was a pool he said the best swimmers came to race in from all over the world. As the raven looked out over the chlorinated waters, it was the first time he felt like swimming since his fight with Makoto. Even when they discovered the national team present and stretching by the launch boards, Haru didn’t feel intimidated, but excited. The both of them swam laps alongside the pros for hours, and for once, Haru gave it his all, finally feeling free again. By the end of it, the national team members were talking animatedly with Rin, after which he explained to Haru how impressed they were and that they wanted to keep in touch. Haru felt overjoyed.

They watched the sunset just outside the opera house of Sydney, where Rin mentioned he’d be returning to join his Australian coach’s swim team to pursue his dream. Haru was glad to hear it, feeling like he’d finally found the resolve to follow a dream of his own.

That night back in the hotel room, Haru turned to Rin looking revitalized.

“Thanks, Rin.”

The boy glanced at him without expression for two seconds, then stretched and plopped back onto the bed they were sitting on, “Don’t mention it! What are friends for?”

Quiet again.

“Oi.”

“Hm?”

“Do you know what you’re going to say to Makoto when we get back tomorrow morning?”

Haru leaned back onto his hands without a word. He heard Rin sigh behind him, “Please tell me you’ve at least put some thought into it.”

“I… I don’t know…” the boy finally fell back onto the mattress himself with a huff.

Another pause.

“Have you even figured it out yet?” Rin muttered somewhat irritably. It seemed like he was referring to something else now, but Haru was still in the dark about what he should know.

The redhead closed his eyes, “And to think, I once thought _I_ was out of touch.”

Haru turned his head to look at him. Rin didn’t return it when he mumbled, “You’re pretty observant, Haru… You’re observant when it has nothing to do with you.”

He wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Forget it. Let’s go to bed,” Rin declared, jumping up to walk to the other side of the mattress, “We have an early flight tomorrow.”

Haru nodded without a word.

 

* * *

 

 

_A young man stands in an empty room, tiny streams of light peeking in from the sunrise outside. He sighs, sliding a hand over his doorframe for the last time. He turns down the hall, exits the house in which his family is still sleeping, and walks slowly to the crossroad he knows too well. He looks up at the house sitting at the top of the stairs and frowns. He needs to do this. He needs to swallow his pride._

_It takes him a minute to get his legs to finally move, to push off each step toward a building he won’t be approaching again. He’s carrying something in his hand, and it’s heavy. So heavy, he feels like he’ll drop it any moment now because his grip is getting weaker, but he’s determined. This is the final step._

By 6:30 a.m., Rin and Haru had arrived back in Japan and were on the next train home. They decided to both head back to Haru’s house for now because Haru didn’t want to be left alone just yet. Thirty minutes and the boys were walking up the road in familiar territory, talking animatedly about what to eat when they got to the house.

Past the gate, it was Rin that stopped first.

“What’s that?”

“Hm?”

“On your door.”

Haru looked up ahead. There was something tacked to his front door—a folded piece of paper. He stepped closer and reached out to grab it, Rin following behind.

He opened it with trembling fingers, unsure of what to think. Dreading the content. Somehow, he knew. It couldn’t be from anyone but.

Ten words, scribbled out in a handwriting he knew all too well were all it took to stop the world and return him to the night two days prior.

_“Say something!”_

_“I’m giving up on you!”_

“Haru!”

Rin’s voice awoke Haru to the sight of his empty shaking hands. He’d dropped the note, and now Rin was picking it up to read the message himself. His heart had gone from stopped to pounding in seconds and he felt stretched and rushed and so _sick_. Haru didn’t give it much more thought when he dropped his luggage and launched in the direction opposite his house. A strong grip stopped him though. Rin pulled him back with his free hand still grasping the note, “Wait, Haru! Calm down!”

“But—!” He felt so nauseous, he half-expected to actually throw up.

“Calm down,” the teenager repeated again, tone lowered, “You need to think rationally before you go sprinting off in some random direction.”

Haru blinked rapidly, resisting the urge to tear Rin’s grip off his arm and run as fast as he possibly could back to the train station. But then Rin’s grip moved to his hand and he raised it just between their faces. He placed the paper in Haru’s palm, glaring hard, “Hold on to this. We’ll call Nagisa and Rei.”

With that, Rin brought out his phone and flipped it open. Haru’s hand had remained in the air where Rin had let him go. He stared at the note clenched between his fingers, mind racing.

“Yo, Nagisa. Are you with Rei? Where are you guys?”

It was faint, but Haru caught the “Just left the airport after seeing Makoto off out front. You’re already back from Australia?” He swallowed. They were _just there._

Rin grit his teeth and shook his head furiously, ignoring Nagisa’s question, “What?! We're halfway through the school year!"

It was more muffled this time and it sounded like Rei, but Haru assumed it was something like, "He got approval for premature leave due to an excess of credits."

The teenager practically snarled, "When is Makoto’s flight?!”

“Hmm, I think he said eight o’clock—“

“Got it. Thanks!” Rin snapped the phone shut, “Fuck!”

He threw his bag against the side of Haru’s house and grabbed his arm mid-run, “C’mon!”

Haru ran almost in a daze. They had one hour?

One hour to make things right.

But they would make it there in time. Makoto had always waited for Haru.

Getting to the airport was easy. Getting to the gate was hard.

They jogged over the threshold of the main entrance to the airport lobby, breathing heavily. Rin apologized hurriedly to an old business man he’d bumped into on the way in. Then they sprinted to the flight board, eyes darting between names until they saw eight o’clock Tokyo at Terminal C, Gate C1. It was 7:45.

When they reached the entrance to the Terminal, Rin grabbed Haru a second time. The raven glared at him, out of breath and full of frustration, “What!?”

“There’s no way we’re getting in there without tickets,” Rin stated clearly. Haru’s heart sank.

“I have enough on me for one.”

Blue eyes widened. Rin chuckled, “Luckily, today doesn’t seem to be a heavy travel day, so we don’t have to wait in line. But you’re on your own from this point on.”

“Rin…”

At the booth, the ticket receptionist looked surprised at their request, “Are you sure? This flight leaves in ten minutes. I don’t think you—“

“We understand! Please just give it to us!”

“O-Okay…”

Ticket in hand, Haru ran past the baggage check-in, patiently passed through the clearance gates where the guards gave him funny looks, then scoped the lounge frantically for Gate C1.

When he spotted it, he found himself running again. He could hear nothing because he saw no one save for a lone figure standing behind a desk by the gate. No one in the seats. No one else at the gate. He slammed the ticket down, panting, “Please, let me on this flight!”

He looked, not at the man, but at the clock behind him. It read 8:02. The stranger appeared unsure of how to react, scanning the document uncertainly, “I’m… I’m sorry, sir. But—“

“You don’t understand! I _need_ to get on that plane!”

The employee bit his lip. He hesitated, “The… The plane’s already in motion.”

Haru stilled, stare fixed but unseeing. Mind finally gone blank.

_“I’m giving up on you, Haru.”_

To his left was a view of the airport runway, and he stumbled on his way to the glass. When his hands met the surface, his legs gave out.

Sure enough, he saw the plane. Already on the runway. Already gaining speed.

He kept watch as it tilted back, tires leaving the asphalt. And as it rose up, he finally realized what it was he’d felt breaking.

For six years, Makoto had waited for him.

Not this time.

He choked back a sob, forehead hitting the cold glass and feeling the spill in itching eyes still focused on a silhouette that was fading too quickly.

His knuckles were white, crushing a note that read:

“ _You’re the one that I love, and I’m saying goodbye._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World, and a related Tumblr post.
> 
> I wrote this all in one go, so forgive whatever mistakes might still be in it. I'm considering adding one more chapter with a time skip, something like a bonus. Lemme know if you guys want it. (Update!: Bonus Chapter added!)


	2. And I Can't Stand It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey.”
> 
> The frustration Haru felt flare up inside him was overwhelming. Really? After eight heavy years, Makoto was able to greet him this casually? He had to fight to find his voice, “…Hey.”
> 
> Granted, it’s not like he could offer much better himself.

9:18

He briefly glanced at the “3 Unread Messages” blinking at the bottom of the screen, then flipped his phone shut with a snap. He’d look at them later, but right now he was about to be late for the next train. The man had to practically drag himself out of the tub today, just as he did any other day, but that was normal. He’d always been a bit too reluctant to part with his favorite spot in the house. Next, he dressed himself and grabbed the bag with the rest of his uniform before pausing on his way past the mirror.

The parchment he’d stuck in the corner of it always stopped him. He often wondered why he didn’t just take it down so he didn’t have to see something so grim every day. Such wonder would end near immediately because he knew exactly why. It represented the memory of his gravest mistake, one he’d made eight years prior.

He slung the sack over his shoulder once outside of the building and locked the door behind him. He took a deep breath. Running would be necessary if he wanted to make it. Luckily, that wasn’t a problem because he could run faster now than he ever could in high school. Being chronically yet unintentionally late to most things did that to a man. And losing an alarm clock taken for granted made one chronically late.

Thirty minutes later and he was crossing the threshold into one of the highest reviewed restaurants in the prefecture. To the right, his boss turned a glaring eye on him, “Hey! You’re—“

“Not late!” his coworker popped in through the door in the corner. He winked in the raven’s direction. The other, more elderly man hesitated, sneaking a glance at the clock hanging beside the freezer with raised eyebrows, “…Huh. Would you look at that.”

At twenty-six years old, Nanase Haruka was on the path of a rising chef. The fact that he studied through all four years of culinary school, after dropping out of competitive swimming for good, surprised even him in retrospect. But here he was now, working toward a career he was finally comfortable with.

“I hope you’re following Shigino-kun’s example of punctuality finally,” his boss turned away with a shrug. There was a firm pat on Haru’s back from said boy. “Just looking out for the best, sir!”

Of all people, Haru would not have expected to end up working with Shigino Kisumi when he started here, though the other worked as a waiter rather than a cook. Didn’t stop him from talking to Haru every god damn chance he got however. Granted, Haru resented him less now than he did back when they were kids. It might’ve had something to do with the fact that the guy was the last one left in close enough proximity to call friend.

Of course, that didn’t mean Haru wasn’t still friends with the rest of the swim club boys, but after high school, they all had just gone their separate ways. He was the only one that had generally remained in the town of Iwatobi where they all had grown up.

It was a rather slow Tuesday, but that wasn’t all that surprising. Morning shifts were usually pretty slow at this restaurant. It was much more popular for its dinner menu, and understandably so. Haru spent days like these flipping through a small pocket journal he wrote down miscellaneous thoughts and recipes in. Sometimes he’d catch Kisumi peering at it over his shoulder having just come from god knows where, and he’d smack his hand anytime the boy thought it appropriate to invade his space, which was always.

“Hey! Haru-chan!”

And also now.

“Don’t call me that.”

Kisumi’s face didn’t change when Haru swatted his hand away before it’d even landed. “Someone out front of the restaurant is looking for you.”

The raven continued wiping down his station as he absorbed the information. Who the hell would be looking for him? He didn’t get a chance to really think about it because the pink-haired man turned to shout at their boss, “Oi, sensei! Can Haru-chan step out for a bit?”

“O-Oi...!”

A pause, “Yeah, sure. Why not? We ain’t all that busy.”

Haru turned to protest, but Kisumi was already walking away with a tray over his shoulder, “He’s just outside the entrance, Haru-chan!”

And he was gone.

The young chef scowled at the door, then resigned himself to wiping his hands off on the nearest clean cloth. Might as well check out who it was. He hung his apron on a hook on his way out and made a beeline for the door. Once outside, he scoped the sidewalk to see a tall man with seemingly perfect posture not standing too far off to his right. He was wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and boots, and for a moment, Haru thought he might’ve gotten into trouble for whatever reason. Then the stranger pinned him with dark violet eyes and blinked in recognition.

“Haru-senpai?”

Haru raised his eyebrows with a nod. The other’s smile was instant and rather warm, “You haven’t changed in the slightest.”

“Who—“

“Rei-chan!”

Haru definitely recognized that voice. Both pairs of eyes darted further down the sidewalk to land on a young blond wearing a matching uniform, running in their direction, “Did you find—… Haru-chan!”

There was a wave (if one could call it a wave—it could be better described as a haphazard flailing of arms).

“Nagisa?” he tried to comprehend the situation as his blue eyes fell back on the former, “... Rei?”

There was a nod in return. The lack of glasses really made a difference. Haru barely recognized him. And the fact that it appeared Rei had hit one last growth spurt after he’d left didn’t help. At least Nagisa had remained a few inches shorter than Haru. Speaking of, Nagisa seemed to have cut his hair short since they’d last seen each other. Having taken it all in, Rei’s earlier comment about Haru having not changed made much more sense.

Nagisa practically tackled him, “It’s been so long! How have you been!?”

Haru struggled to keep upright, ignoring the question and asking his own. “H-How did you find me?”

“Rin told us you returned to Iwatobi to study at a culinary school years ago,” the blue-haired man supplied. “We asked around town to find out where you worked but we only got the general location. Nagisa and I split up to check out the restaurants. It’s actually pretty lucky that we found you.”

The blond fell away from Haru for a moment with a pout on his face, “Yeah, it was! I was texting you all morning! Did you get a new phone, Haru-chan?”

Ah. He never had looked at those messages, had he?

“I was late for work this morning, so I haven’t looked at my phone,” he explained with a shake of his head. “What are you guys doing here?”

“To see you of course!”

Rei was kind enough to elaborate, “We’re actually here to ask if you’d like to come with us to Tokyo in two weeks. Rin wants us to visit for a few days.”

“Rin’s in Tokyo?” the man raised his eyebrows a second time while Nagisa hung off his left shoulder.

“Yep! He’s going to graduate from the police academy next week and wants to celebrate with us!” the third exclaimed with a toothy grin.

“Police academy?”

“Don’t worry, he didn’t quit going pro. He said he wanted to take a break from swimming so he doesn’t get tired of it,” answered Rei before he could ask. Haru hesitated yet again, before scanning the pair’s uniforms once more and spotting their badges for the first time.

“You two work for JAXA?”

“Yup! For a year and a half now!”

Now that Haru recalled, Rei and Nagisa had left Iwatobi together after they graduated. Rei must’ve helped Nagisa out with his studies for the both of them to score a career like that. He envied their ability to maintain that same close relationship they had in high school, especially since he’d been left alone since spending one year swimming competitively with Rin.

“So would you be interested? Nagisa and I can pay for your ticket if asking off from work isn’t any trouble. Rin would love to see how you’ve been,” Rei digressed. Nagisa gave an enthusiastic nod. Haru, however, was uncertain of visiting Tokyo, of all places.

The blond seemed to notice, latching on to Haru tighter, “C’mon, Haru-chan! Pleeeassse? For Rin? It’ll be so much fun!”

Aside from the hair, Haru guessed he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t changed in the slightest. Rei, on the other hand, had grown into the picture-perfect epitome of maturity. The raven took a deep breath.

“Fine.”

“Yay!”

“Great! Nagisa and I will be back to pick you up then. I’ll write the dates down for you so you can make the request,” Rei declared just before pulling a small notepad from his breast pocket.

When Haru returned home that evening, the first thing he did was sit at the foot of his bed and stare into the mirror across the room. It was more accurate to say he focused again on the plane ticket in its upper right hand corner for the billionth time since putting it there. It was well taken care of and, obviously, had never been used, with the letters spelling out TOKYO printed clear across the top.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, Rei was ushering the other two off the plane as though there were somewhere they had to be in a hurry. Of course, this was untrue and Haru assumed Rei had at some point over the years gained a strong sense of punctuality even when it was unnecessary. A guess as to why had Hazuki Nagisa written all over it, and the thought almost made Haru smile. Really, he was just glad to finally be leaving the airport once they’d gone through all the procedures following their arrival. Put bluntly, Haru did not like airports, much less planes. The whole package tended to put a bad taste in his mouth honestly. Once the exit was in sight, it was Haru ushering the other boys out this time. The sooner they arrived in Tokyo, the better.

They met Rin at one of the larger crossroads within the city. He’d been waiting patiently for them while sitting at a table settled outside a small café. He caught their eyes with a wave just after they were within earshot. “Yo!”

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa exclaimed excitedly. He ran to the redhead’s side, shamelessly draping his arms over the man’s shoulders in the process. Rei and Haru took their time joining up with them. Rin didn’t seem put off by the public display of affection, and hadn’t let go of the cup on the tabletop. He nodded at Rei, who returned it, and his eyes fell on Haru with a warm smile, “How’s it been, Haru?”

He really wasn’t sure what to answer with. A shrug. “Fine, I guess.”

Rin raised his eyebrows, amused, but dismissed any further pressing. He turned to the other two instead. “Anything you guys interested in doing today? It’s noon and we got the whole day to ourselves!”

Nagisa popped off of him like a bottle cap. “I was actually planning on taking Rei-chan to see Harajuku! He’s never been apparently.”

Rei leaned in Haru’s direction, muttering under his breath, “ _Forcing_ me, more like.”

“Isn’t that somewhere to enjoy when you’re a teenager?” Rin mused.

The blond puffed up. “We’re still young! You two don’t have to come with!”

The other laughed. “I’ll take you up on that offer! You guys have fun. Harajuku should be beginning to bustle right about now.”

“Yes! That’s the best time to go!”

“Arguably,” Rei muttered again. Haru smirked, amused.

Then Nagisa was hanging off Rei’s arm, grin splitting his face. “Alright, well! If you guys are alright with it, Rei-chan and I will meet back up with you two in a couple of hours! Have fun doing whatever it is you two decide to do!”

“Later!”

“See ya!”

“Save me…” Rei groaned as he was dragged away.

Once they were out of earshot, the redhead spoke again, “Is it just me, or is Rei nowhere _near_ as enthusiastic as he used to be? I mean, I didn’t know him half as well as you guys did, so I might be completely off the mark but…”

His friend was still staring after them when he replied, “No, you’re pretty on the mark. That’s probably what happens when you spend that many years with someone like Nagisa.”

Rin laughed a second time. “So, Haru. Wanna just walk until we think of something to do?”

Said man slowly nodded. “Sure.”

They hadn’t been walking for all that long when Rin spoke again. “Have you been keeping in touch with everyone alright?”

Immediately, the raven knew what Rin was getting at. He avoided his gaze and gave a vague, “Yeah…”

Rin paused, but he was used to Haru being abrasive. He pocketed his hands and leaned back to look at the sky, getting right to the point. “You haven’t talked to him since before he left, have you?”

The young chef was silent. The both of them walked quietly on for about a minute when surprisingly, it was Haru that spoke this time. “Have you?”

“Of course,” his friend grinned at nothing, throwing his hands behind his head. “He works with Sousuke after all.”

Blue eyes widened a bit in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. What was it that they even did?

“Y’know, Haru… This might be the ti—“

Haru stumbled back, having just slammed into something hard, effectively prompting Rin to halt where he was and quiet mid-sentence. The both of them glanced up to see the back of a fire department uniform, worn by what Haru could only describe to be a monster of a man with red hair. The firefighter turned to face them with sharp crimson eyes that glared either intentionally or naturally. Haru couldn’t tell which, but he had to admit—he felt just a bit threatened, especially considering the fact that when the stranger stepped to the side, he revealed another equally monstrous and naturally (or unnaturally) glaring police officer Haru assumed he’d been in conversation with before they were so rudely interrupted.

He stammered, “E-Excuse me. I wasn’t paying attention…”

“Ho, Taichou!” Rin greeted abruptly. Haru snapped his gaze back to him, along with the other two. The officer’s face softened a bit when their eyes met, “Ah, the rookie.”

Haru thanked Rin a thousand times in his head. He was still visibly flustered.

“Just graduated, and you’re already slacking off?”

The fireman fixed him with a raised eyebrow, “You’re one to talk. The kid’s obviously off-duty.”

“I can see that, asshole. I was joking.”

“It’s honestly hard to tell with you.”

“Shaddup!”

“So was there an accident here, or…?” Rin interrupted casually. The taller redhead answered first. “Just a small fire inside this apartment complex. Nothing major.”

Once pointed out, Haru noticed the large building to their left with a fire truck and a few cop cars parked just outside. It really didn’t look like anything had happened with the presence of authorities aside. His observation was cut short by the snap of the sheriff’s fingers, “Uhp. Just remembered. Matsuoka, I have something for you at the car, c’mon.”

“Yes, sir.”

Haru watched the pair leave, not entirely sure of what was going on because he had suddenly found himself alone with the first monstrous man—a situation he was entirely unprepared for. Next to this hulking tower of a person, Haru had never felt so small. He kept his gaze down on the sidewalk to avoid awkward conversation.

“Buchou!”

Haru’s eyes widened, and he snapped his head back up at the sound of running rapidly approaching. His jaw fell slack.

Taller, more muscular, and wearing a matching firefighting uniform, the newcomer Haru saw for the first time in years slowed to a stop in front of his superior with one hand gesturing back at the complex, “The landlord needs to talk to you.”

“A'ight.”

While the taller man stepped around him, green eyes dropped to meet Haru’s and all sound was drowned out around them with the ringing that filled his ears. They both stared, expressions equally vacant, until those same eyes relaxed and Haru saw the shadow of a melancholy smile he’d almost forgotten.

“Hey.”

The frustration Haru felt flare up inside him was overwhelming. Really? After eight heavy years, Makoto was able to greet him this casually? He had to fight to find his voice, “…Hey.”

Granted, it’s not like he could offer much better himself.

“How’ve you been?”

Haru said nothing. But all of a sudden, being able to see Makoto face-to-face after so long made the answer rather clear to him. To be frank, he’d been—

“Whoa, Makoto! Yo!”

Though Haru didn’t turn, the brunet did to see Rin join them. The sadness left his smile almost immediately, “Ah, there you are! I wondered if you weren’t working today. It would’ve been our first job together. To tell you the truth, I was kind of excited for it when we got the call.”

Rin chuckled, “Yeahh, sorry. Not just yet, but should be soon. Is Sousuke not working today?”

“It’s his day off today and tomorrow, yeah.”

“That jackass. He told me he was working today! What is he hiding?!” The irritation emanating from Rin’s person was strong enough to be felt. The brunet looked at him thoughtfully. “Strangely enough, he asked me if we could meet up after I get off. I’ll found out why if you want.”

Rin raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you guys were hanging out now.”

Makoto shrugged. “Well, not necessarily. We tend to eat lunch together when we work the same shift, but the first time you could say we’ve actually hung out was just last weekend. We didn’t do much—just ate dinner and talked about stuff.”

“Haha, sounds like a date.”

Haru’s stomach lurched at that.

The firefighter laughed. “Are Nagisa and Rei here too?”

And Haru didn’t like the fact that Makoto didn’t deny it.

“’Course. Couldn’t celebrate properly without those dweebs. You off tomorrow?”

“I am!”

“Then let’s have a motherfucking party!”

Makoto laughed again and this time Haru felt his heart clench instead, but he had nothing to say. Inaccurate. He had _so much_ to say. But he had no idea where to start, or even how. Would Makoto even listen?

“Tachibana! We’re heading out!”

The three turned to see that firefighter from before waving Mikoto over from the parking lot. The man visibly straightened to reply, “C-Coming!”

He then nodded at Rin with his voice quieter, “See you tomorrow.”

And for a second he met eyes with Haru one last time, that same earlier soft smile back on his face, before he jogged off.

 

* * *

 

“Happy birthday!”

“Nagisa, it’s not his birthday…” Rei sighed, adjusting his glasses. The blond paused, “Oh, right. My bad, Rin! Happy ‘You-Graduated-from-the-Police-Academy-A-Week-Ago-Let-Us-Show-You-We’re-Proud-of-You-By-Filling-Another-Pool-With-Cherry-Blossom-Petals-Again-Because-You-Never-Actually-Got-To-Swim-in-the-First-One-Good-Thing-We-Checked-the-Weather-Forecast-This-Time’ Day!”

Rei groaned as everyone else laughed (with the exception of Haru, who only smiled).

Rin padded up between the blond and bluehead before patting their shoulders appreciatively, “Thanks, guys. This means a lot to me. Seriously.”

They all looked out over the pink covered pool in awe as it practically glowed in the nighttime. Most of them probably hadn’t seen a sight so sentimentally beautiful.

Suddenly, Rin turned with a bright grin, “Well! What are we waiting for!?”

Five minutes and most of the boys were in the pool, swimming and splashing about. Only two of them had yet to even change.

“I gotta say, Haru. This is the first time I’ve seen you refrain from diving into a body of water without waiting for everyone else to get in.”

Haru stiffened as the voice approached him from behind. Makoto joined him at the hollow metal rail and leaned over it with his arms crossed. That painfully familiar warm smile he wore caused the raven to look at everything but him. He shrugged, response low, “I don’t really feel like swimming right now.”

Even though he wasn’t looking, he knew Makoto’s smile vanished at that.

“….That’s something I never thought I’d hear you say in the million years,” he commented momentarily. Almost like clockwork, Haru could tell that the smile returned when he continued, “Just goes to show I never knew everything about you like I thought I did.”

Haru would say 95% was pretty damn close.

“…I could say the same.”

His hand gripped the railing harder, especially now that he was peering at Sousuke as he conversed with Rin at the opposite end of the pool. His other hand closed around the little journal he kept in his pocket. Makoto remained quiet.

Despite his calm demeanor, Haru was more frustrated than he’d ever been. Why couldn’t he just come out and say it? Why wasn’t he brave enough to even start? Makoto was right here. They were alone, and Makoto was willing to talk to him even after what had happened between them the last time they talked. He was willing to _listen_. If ever there was an opportunity, it was this one. But why couldn’t he find it in himself to take it!?

“Y’know…”

Makoto effectively cut off his frantic train of thought.

“I’m happy.”

For the first time since he walked up, Haru turned to look at his childhood best friend. The brunet’s eyes were pinned to the pool, but he was so relaxed. He looked as comfortable as ever really, with that soft grin stretching his features just slightly, just as it always had.

This was probably the worst thing Makoto could’ve possibly said, and Haru felt terrible for feeling that way.

“I thought you never wanted to talk to me again after that night. I’m glad I was wrong.”

Oh…

“Or at least, I _think_ I was wrong,” Makoto’s hand rose to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly, “I can’t read your mind like I used to be able to back in Iwatobi. …And you know what I realized just a few months ago? I never apologized.”

Haru stared at him. No. No. No. No. _No._ _Haru_ should’ve been the one apologizing! Speak, dammit!

“I left without saying goodbye, didn’t I?” the brunet chuckled, eyes closed. Haru winced, clenching his grips tighter.

“I’m—“

“ _ **No!**_ ”

Suddenly, it was really quiet. Makoto watched him with an expression of surprise, but he wasn’t the only one. The other four were staring at him now. That was the last thing Haru needed.

“Are you guys okay?” Nagisa asked when he swam up to check on them. Haru didn’t even have time to answer when the Tachibana spoke for him. “Haha, I was just pestering him to see if he had a girlfriend yet. If he does, he refuses to tell me.”

Fortunately, Nagisa bought the little white lie. “Oh. Nah, I don’t think Haru-chan does! Maybe that should be my next mission! You better be ready, Haru-chan!”

The blond winked before paddling back to the other three. Soon enough, they were conversing normally again and Makoto and Haru were back where they left off. Makoto waited patiently for the raven to follow up on what he had said, so eventually, Haru did just that.

“…I’m sorry,” he said finally, following up shortly with, “For everything. For what I said. For running away. For not being there to say goodbye. For refusing to talk to you for so many years.”

He could feel the sting at his eyes, “How…”

It was coming too fast. He choked a bit, “How do you not hate me?”

“Haru…”

“I thought I had destroyed our friendship that night. I… I thought I lost you forever.”

The tears finally fell. They felt foreign. Unfamiliar. When was the last time he had cried?

“H-How do you not hate me?”

He was surprised to hear Makoto chuckle.

“I should be asking _you_ that.”

Haru looked over to see Makoto leaning on the railing with a smile like Haru _wasn’t_ just about to start bawling next to him. He was so calm, and Haru didn’t understand it. He sniffed, unsure of what else to do or say. He had never really been good at expressing himself verbally. So without thinking about it, he pulled out his pocket journal and handed it over. His best friend stared at it for a second, “What is this?”

Haru didn’t answer, and Makoto somehow hadn’t expected him to when he took it and flipped through the pages. He beamed, “Your recipes?”

The raven refused to look at him, wiping his eyes, “Keep going.”

Makoto did. As he flipped, Haru mustered back up the courage to speak, “You asked how I’d been when you saw me yesterday and I never answered you.”

“Well, I hear you’ve become a really good chef!” the other commented brightly, skimming over each group of notes with interest. He paused when he saw something different on the next page, “Haha, I still have this picture too.”

Without looking, Haru knew it was the picture he’d kept of all of them, taken at the same festival they’d had that big water gun match. He heard him flip again.

“…And this one,” he continued a little more somberly. It was of just the two of them, hanging out at a park. That one had been taken by Nagisa, who had just arrived to join them. It was before they’d met Rei. It must’ve been cold that day, since they were both bundled up in winter clothing.

Haru took a deep breath, “It’s like I’ve been…”

Makoto flipped one more page. They were silent again, save for the sound of unfolding paper.

“…Standing still?” Makoto asked.

The Nanase glanced at the other’s hands out of the corner of his eye. Makoto stared at the note between his fingers blankly. Haru could feel his heartbeat speed up tenfold.

Then Makoto started laughing quietly, “I… I can’t believe you kept this.”

“It was a reminder,” Haru muttered, “A reminder of how badly I messed up.”

The other sighed after a moment, “It’s been eight years, Haru…”

There was a pang in Haru’s chest. He didn’t like that tone. A tone like that meant—

“And it feels like nothing’s changed.”

The man blinked, voice cracking, “…What?”

Makoto smiled up at him, prompting a whirlwind to form in the pit of Haru’s stomach.

“It’s funny,” the fireman looked down at the note again, “I wrote this intending to give up on you and move on.” A chuckle. “That didn’t really happen.”

Haru’s eyes wavered, fearing the tears would betray him again.

“When it came to you guys, I was never any good at giving up.”

“Makoto, I…” Haru felt like he was going to go into cardiac arrest any minute.

Makoto straightened up, standing tall. His chest puffed a bit when he took a deep breath, grin still perfectly placed as he watched their friends splash around several meters away. How could he look so calm!? Green eyes found him again and Haru’s breathing ceased.

“It looks like I—“

“I’ve decided!”

Makoto froze, clearly taken aback by Haru’s outburst. He was determined now. He turned to face his best friend, eyes burning and hand grasping the railing so hard, his knuckles were turning white. The brunet watched him in anticipation, their gazes locked.

“I’m moving here, to Tokyo,” Haru declared finally. It was sudden, and he had literally just made the decision two seconds ago, but as far as he was concerned, it was final.

Makoto blinked many, many times.

“Haru—“

“Because I can’t stand to be so far away from you,” he continued angrily, voice growing louder, “Because I’m selfish and I can’t stand the thought that you might be happy with other people. That you can be happy without _me!_ I refused to talk to you for years because I was terrified; I was terrified of what you would say when I told you what I realized that night! And the thought of you and Sousuke makes me unreasonably angry! So much that I—!”

“Shh! Shh!” Makoto had grabbed his arm and slapped a hand over Haru’s mouth before he could say anymore. Even though it was dark, Haru could see the red that had overtaken the man’s face. He was practically shaking when he hissed, “Why are you shouting such embarrassing things!?”

Hesitantly, the raven reached up with both hands and pulled Makoto’s away from his mouth, “Because I love you, probably.”

“ _P-Probably_?!”

“I’ve never been in love before, so I’m not sure what it feels like,” the other commented bluntly. He thought it was obvious he didn’t actually know.

“God, you really can’t read the mood, can you, Haru?”

Both boys looked around to see they had an audience again, and Rin was shaking his head with such disappointment, Haru would’ve guessed he lost another race. To his right, Sousuke had a hand covering his mouth, seemingly stifling a bout a laughter that was sure to come out full force any minute now. Makoto seemed to have already been aware, which had probably been part of the reason why he’d quieted Haru earlier.

A meter away, Nagisa cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “This is the part where you kiss him!”

“N-Nagisa!” Makoto’s voice cracked, bowing his head and hunching his shoulders to hide the quickly growing discoloration to his face. He took back the hand that Haru wasn’t currently still holding to cover his eyes.

“Good luck, Haru-senpai!” Rei called soon after.

Well, this wasn’t good. If that wasn’t his own face heating up from embarrassment, he didn’t know what it was. Without thinking, Haru brought Makoto’s other hand back up to cover his face as though it would shield him from further humiliating himself. There was a rousing chorus of laughter from the pool. Haru only looked up when he thought he heard Makoto mutter something.

“What?” he asked behind the brunet’s hand.

Slowly, Makoto raised his head slightly, eyes looking away from Haru as well as the pool. His face was still red when he repeated, “I definitely love you just as much as I did eight years ago.”

Haru briefly wondered why he wasn’t dead because he was _definitely_ _certain_ his heart had just exploded. Hunched over like this, Makoto’s eyes were level with Haru’s. The raven watched him steadily, the heat finally dissipating from his cheeks.

“Makoto.”

“Hm?” The brunet looked up to meet eyes with blue. Haru paused, face still covered, then his gaze flicked away. “You have really nice hands.”

Makoto’s face was red again in an instant, “Uh… Thank you.”

“I always thought so. But I also thought it would be too weird to tell yo—“

Without warning, the man had pulled his hand away and replaced it with something else. Eventually, the swimmer registered what.

He heard fireworks in the distance, and it took him a moment to realize they were in his head. And it wasn’t because there was some surreal ‘magic’ going on. No, he was reliving that time they had argued on the overlook by the jetties. It was like his mind was showing him what had happened versus what _should’ve_ happened then. And with Makoto’s lips pressing softly against the corner of his mouth, Haru couldn’t help but agree.

Makoto pulled away then, smiling warmly once more and face no longer so red. Haru wasn’t sure what kind of face he was making at that moment because Makoto’s expression wavered only slightly. If he took a guess, he’d say he was simply staring. It was hard not to stare when he was looking at something so beautiful.

“Well, say something?” the fireman pressed cautiously.

Slowly, Haru grinned, “I’m glad you never gave up on me. All your life, you’ve been chasing me, right?”

Slowly, Makoto returned it, visible tears welling up in his eyes. “I finally caught you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although it feels rushed when you read it maybe, I still like how it turned out. Finally! You got the bonus chapter out of me!
> 
> Big shout out to always_drarry for not giving up on me! And also to Embassy for editing because I was too lazy!
> 
> Also, I made Sousuke a firefighter just because I ship MakoSou bromance hardcore.


End file.
